A Visit to the Vet

The Puppy greets The Slinky One with a wagging tail. "Oh hey, where'd you go? we were freaking out!" she says. "Bro, is it you?" The Fluffy One asks, sniffing his bro. "I went to that doctor of yours!" The Slinky One declares. In the second panel, it cuts to me holding him at the door of the vet's office as he looks through to a dog outside. "I never saw so many people! And dogs! Dogs that look like cats, even!" In the third panel, it's now and he says, "Then they took me in the back room and stuck a thermometer up my bottom." His brother licks his face and the Puppy looks away and says, "Ya, they do that."

So yeah, The Slinky One was amazingly cool about going to the doctor. His bloodwork was 99.9% normal, except for a bit of inflammation. The doctor told him he loved him and then made him cry poking around in his mouf. He was given a pile of medication he didn’t like and saw dogs and lots of people and even a bus! He was fascinated by all the things going on outside the office. Later he told us he thought what happened in the back room was because of the way he bet on the Super Bowl.

Well, There’s a Girl and a Spider Web, Anyway.

In a very literal and yet very loose translation of The Girl In The Spider's Web, I'm stuck to a wall by a spiderweb. Dressed like Lisbeth Salander in black with combat boots and punk hair, I say, "If only I could get near a computer! Or a hammer! I could save everyone! I could make a difference!" In the next panel, the Spider hangs from a tree on a snowy cliff near an open laptop. "All these years," he says, "Why didn't you?"
Everyone who saw The Girl In The Spider’s Web are yelling, “spoilers!” and everyone who didn’t is just like, “Damn, Lynda, you do…stuff!” But, you know what, I’m just wondering how we’re having this conversation considering I’m clearly in a room and the Spider is clearly on a cliff. Oh well.

(And yes, for those who are into Lisbeth Salander’s shirts, those numbers do correspond to those letters of the alphabet and HAHA I amuse myself so much.)

“Don’t Die, I Love You!”

The young tabby is trying to explain to me that it's not cool to be grabbing at her all the time. Then her mom shows up and she says, "I gotta go, my mom's here and she doesn't trust you. See you around!" As the young tabby leaves with her mom, I wave and call out, "Don't die, I love you!"

I was struck by the existential crisis that my little friend and I are a lot alike. We’re both set in our ways and like hanging out with our moms but to be fair I don’t go to wherever the cats hang out and sit there being adorable until they want to invite me into their crawlspace or whatever only to be like, “Nope, byyyyye!”

The mailman told me his daughter is into cats and says when a cat likes you they’ll emit a chemical and they bond with you for life. I’ve told this cat I still want to know her when I’m 60. She vaulted off me, purred, and untied my shoe. She’s really good at that chemical thing.

Beyoncé Made Me Do It?

I get up in the young tabby's face as she's eating and tell her I got her something, and that Beyoncé says if you like it put a ring on it, so I got her a harness. The young tabby calls for freedom and clings to the porch railing calling for her mommy. I mention I could be her radiator mommy.

I don’t offer to be just anyone’s radiator mommy. Yes, I did really do this, she is that cool with me. I CAN DRESS HER!

And when I took the harness off her, she didn’t run away, she just sat down and looked at me like, “Did you get that out of your system? Can I eat in peace now?” Which is a step up from one year ago tonight when she bounced off the walls of the house, sat on the toaster growling at me, and then took off for a week. I would squeak at her from the porch and she would look like, “I’ll come back when you’re gone.”

More on her mom in the exciting next adventure.