Author Archives: TailsFromTheBackyard

It really defies explanation, pt 2.

Anyway. My happy little land of lilies and foliage looked like it was re-enacting the end of Medicine Man, so while I was fixing things, I noticed some really big termites working on the remains of the tree. I couldn’t get to two of them and take out my rage, so I used their pictureContinue reading “It really defies explanation, pt 2.”

It really defies explanation.

Over the weekend, we were finally able to pay the Tree Guys(tm) to take down our Gum tree. It was quite dead–being it had strangled itself last year and all, which is another story–and before it made the neighbor’s children dead, well, you know, we had it taken care of. Who needs to eat forContinue reading “It really defies explanation.”

Who knew 9 pounds of fur could have that much pull?

I’m a big pushover when it comes to the Ninjas. I think maybe they drug me, but however this happened, I have broken The Rule and harnessed one of the Ninja twins, who became psychotic when he touched a lawn chair, and ran headlong into the daisies. Luckily, the Woman’s shepherding skills are still sharpContinue reading “Who knew 9 pounds of fur could have that much pull?”

Humans use any excuse for a party.

And my main issue is that if Memorial Day is a somber day to reflect on those lost in battle, why do radio stations use it to kick off Summer Partytime(tm)? I don’t mind the music, I’d probably send my radio off to be shot if every station played nothing but God Bless the USAContinue reading “Humans use any excuse for a party.”

Hey you, at least pick up after yourselves!

This really happened. I didn’t actually go yelling out the window after them as my experience with yelling at cats and raccoons engaging in the same type of behavior has taught me that it rarely has any effect. I have made a note to adjust my motion-detecting light to take in the area by theContinue reading “Hey you, at least pick up after yourselves!”

Never go out in the sun before 3PM. If all the world learned this, I would be a happier placemat.

I have a thing where, if I go out in the sun much, I sort of get really ill. It’s entertaining at first, but then I turn into a nasty drunk and it’s just not worth it. I’m pretty sure this condition has an official name, but I prefer my four-letter description of it muchContinue reading “Never go out in the sun before 3PM. If all the world learned this, I would be a happier placemat.”

Same as it ever was…

I cut my own hair, you know. It looks it. I should note that if a largish purple spider wearing a top hat appeared at my side, even if it was trying to reassure me that eventually we all end up not having a lot of problems, I think I’d probably die right there. Also,Continue reading “Same as it ever was…”

Then I noticed something odd.

Life is funny. Like, say, when you’re already running low on money, and you notice an extremely squishy spot in your floor, and upon inspection you discover the wonder that is termites hard at work. Not only have these little bastards eaten a quarter of my floor, they’ve eaten a beam, a window frame, aContinue reading “Then I noticed something odd.”

The Day Began Normally Enough

This is the first intentionally drawn commentary on my life. As you might be able to make out, I’m freaked out by people that lift the lids of step-on garbage cans with their hands, then handle food, but I’m fine with cats bathing on the table in front of me. Stealth Ninjas are very cleanContinue reading “The Day Began Normally Enough”