Movie Week: Emma

I’m recovering from dinner this past Thursday, and have decided to not eat again for quite a long time.

Meanwhile, movie week is under way and it starts with Emma. You say you don’t get it? You obviously haven’t watched Emma enough. The next strip’s going to be even weirder, but it comes from the fact that I *heart* Jeremy Northam, almost as much as I *heart* Emma and The Shining.

I’ve said too much already.

*passes out*

My very naughty step into non-fiction.

There are many reasons I don’t have much eagerness towards the holiday season. Deciding on what, exactly, to eat is…well, pretty much like today’s strip.

It’s true that it’s more food than I see in a month, but…I’ve gotten used to eating ramen noodles and fluffernutters. If I were cooking Thanksgiving dinner, ramen noodles would somehow feature big. No, everyone wouldn’t die of sodium overdoses because the sodium is all in the seasoning, and I’d make sure to leave that out.

I’m a bitter vegetarian living in a world of carnivores.

I’m also from an area that calls big-ass sandwiches heroes, I apologize for the use of such confusing slang.

In other news, I heard the 20th anniversary remake of “Do They Know It’s Christmas“, and I can now say without doubt that anyone is free to make fun of it all they want. It started out so well, too.

Over the weekend I also discovered that I’m not a Matrix trilogy fan. The first movie was enough. Although the glitch kitty showing up again in the last five minutes of the last movie almost made me forget what’d I’d just seen. You haven’t seen Matrix Revolutions yet? Yay, someone sees movies even later than I do!

The wonders of radio frequencies.

I was able to make my idea of beaming satellite into my head a reality for less than $50, and this is the family-friendly account of how that happened. I didn’t really break my hand, but it felt that way at the time. I’m happy to report that the termites didn’t reach the closet, as I never would have been able to kick my way out of the closet organizer if they had. Well…I would’ve but I’d be downstairs in a broken heap right now.

I’m mostly listening to Sirius 22, because it’s the most like WLIR, the station that was sold for $60 million to Unvision to be a Latino Mix mirror station. It doesn’t look as bad as it really was.

So, I haven’t gotten anything else done. Just listening to radio through my television.

I feel 12.

The holiday edition.

Today’s strip brings home a very serious topic facing today’s music.

All-Christmas radio stations.

Just about every city with a Clear Channel-owned light music station goes all-Christmas around this time of year, and the one close to me is no different. Lite-FM featured a poll on their website asking when they should start playing Christmas music, and sadly, “Immediately” is winning. I’m a person who does Christmas, when it is actually December, and when I was a kid, I used to wait for the music to start hitting the radio stations–here and there, maybe a 24-hour run on Christmas eve…but this is ridiculous. I don’t care if the ratings are wonderful, something is wrong with a culture that needs to hear 1,740 hours of Christmas music in one sitting.

Last year I was unprepared for Mariah Carey telling me she wanted me for Christmas as I was sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, but this year…I’m ready.

I’ve gotten a bunch of cheap electronics together to create the ultimate portable satellite radio. When I manage to position the receiver for the remote control that can go through walls in such a place where it doesn’t change the television channel next door, I will be free to wander my home, listening to the radio stations given to me by the gods of Dish Network.

This is a drastic switch for me, btw. I’ve fought with people who have run away to satellite radio, while radio for poor people goes to hell (that’s what I was told by one nasty little person that needed to validate his need for a $400 radio and $120 subscription fees, that FM radio is now for lower class people only). But it all changed the other night, when I accidentally hit a 6 instead of a 9 and ended up on the ’80s music…and heard Olivia Newton-John singing Xanadu.

So while the rest of New York is being run over by Dominic, the Italian Christmas Donkey, I will be wallowing in my childhood music, until maybe the 20th of December or so…Provided I stay out of line with the furnace, for some reason that kills my transmitter.

(Oh yeah, kids, Band Aid was the British band. Not the one with Michael Jackson, that was USA For Africa and We Are The World isn’t really a Christmas song unless now we only care about others for the holidays. If anyone asks you if “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” is a song about ignorant westerners being clueless about Africa, ask them what Christmas song isn’t. Thank you. Nobody messes with my memory of Band Aid, dammit.)

Stuff I should be wary of.


So, back when Spring started, our gum tree didn’t get the memo, and my big-ass firethorn also got frosted to death. It was all very sad, but the firethorn started to grow back right away, so that wasn’t so bad. One day while I was trimming it so it didn’t grow to mammoth dimensions again, I found the tiny gum tree growing in among the weeds.

I relocated it to almost the same area that the original gum tree liked to hang out at, and proceeded to never tell anyone what it was or why I’m protecting it. I bet the neighbors will be surprised, wait’ll they see it next year!

Insanity may be doing the same this over again and hoping for a different result, but by the time this little gum tree is big enough to fall on the house, I’ll be dead. Or really, really old.

I know! 7:45am. 12/21!

So yeah, this is pretty self-explanatory. I mean, who doesn’t get set upon by hordes of thirsty mosquitoes in 36° weather?

I don’t know how they hold on in the winds.

I suppose it could be worse, though….

Monkeys at Hindu Temple Attack Children

GAUHATI, India (AP) – Monkeys lurking at an ancient Hindu temple in India’s northeast have attacked up to 300 children over three weeks, temple officials said Tuesday.

“They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood,” Bani Kumar Sharma, a priest at the Kamakhya temple in Assam state, told The Associated Press. The temple, one of the most famous in India, is located in Gauhati, Assam’s capital.

“I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground,” said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl.

At least 2,000 rhesus monkeys roam in and around the temple, but none had shown aggressive behavior in the past, the priest said.

Monkeys are often found in tens of thousands of temples across India. They are seen as a symbol of Hanuman, the mythical monkey god, and devotees visiting temples often feed them. While occasional attacks by monkeys are not uncommon at temples, the sudden surge in attacks at the Gauhati temple has experts perplexed.

Some say the Gauhati monkeys may be turning violent because of shrinking living spaces, or because animals once kept as pets might not have been able to adjust to new lives around the temple.

“The loss of habitat due to increased human settlement in the hills around the temple and the release of monkeys kept confined at home … could be among the reasons for some of the monkeys behaving in a weird manner,” said Narayan Mahanta, a wildlife official in Gauhati.

Three monkeys were randomly tranquilized by wildlife officials over the weekend and have been taken to the Gauhati Zoo where they will be examined in search of clues to explain the changing behavior, Mahanta said.

Now, if I can just figure out how to tranquilize mosquitoes….

An Old Hope.


I am a Star Wars fan.

Not that I usually sit around wearing my rubber Amidala headgear, but today…today I saw stuff that made me remember why I like Star Wars. The teaser for Episode III was released today which was the only reason I had MTV on this afternoon. How anyone watches TRL, I’ll never know…wacky kids. Anyway, I have fond memories of Star Wars trailers past, and this one fits right in under the Episode I trailers, just above the Episode II trailer that was shown before The X-Files and slightly to the left of When Senators Attack.

If you needed any more of an example of my love for Star Wars, the nondescript thing that changes sides over my shoulders in the strip? Padawan braid. It changes sides in the strip as a homage to my beloved Obi-Wan…no, really. It isn’t that I forget what side it’s on…really. I grew the first one in 1999, cut it off last year, and let it grow back, because not only did I miss the silly thing, people asked me where it went. (It went someplace special. Maybe one day I’ll get drunk and do a three-month long arc about the adventures of the braid. Maybe not. It would take an outrageous amount of liquor, and I’d probably fall on the floor before I could reach a pencil.)

I probably shouldn’t have shown Leia the trailer, however…she hasn’t spoken to me since. Not that she talks to me much anymore; ever since my dog tried to eat her and I let that kid in Sears take her clothes off, there’s a void between us.

Yes, I really do have a Leia doll and I took her everywhere with me in the ’80s and yes, my dog loved her. So much that he tipped a couch onto me to get to her. Those were the days, man. I wish I could remember where she left her socks. Wild times.

I’m Lynda and I approve this message.

I held off on any political jokes until the end. Isn’t my rage at stupid media people funny? HAHA, laugh with me!

Notice how I leave it open-ended, so all can embrace my feeling without being insulted if they do happen to be really into views opposed to mine?

Don’t worry, Wednesday you’ll know who I was pulling for, and how I feel about it…especially if it doesn’t go the way I’m hoping. (Not like I have any readers to insult anyway…do I?)