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Hello, Kittens.

The black-and-white boy cat shows up and asks if the fluffy calico's black-and-white kittens are his. The fluffy calico says, "No, they're mine." The black-and-white cat says, "Hmm," as a orange tabby kitten much like the ones the white tiger cat made chomps on his tail.

I could be wrong, but this black-and-white cat only comes around once in a while, and now there are two black-and-white kittens following the fluffy calico around. The third was like seeing a ghost. A cute little fuzzy ghost. Could my Siberian tiger friend I haven’t seen in 11 weeks be the kitten-daddy? I don’t know. These three are terrified of us. Not even food is doing the trick to get them to come over.

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Ladies, Have You Tried…Toys?

The cat wives are sitting on the porch watching birds. The baby tabby says she wants to play with a bird. The fluffy calico says, "Hey! Bird!" I'm sitting off to the side, not enjoying that. I turn to the cats and say, "Ladies, have you tried…toys?" The baby tabby says, "Ooh! Gimme!" I pull out a feather on a stick and start tickling her, saying, "Get it!" and "Whee!" The fluffy calico shouts that what we're doing is not natural.

My little girlfriend who doesn’t want to live with me loves playing with a squeaky mouse on a feather stick. It technically belongs to the Ninja Twins, but they’ve got two so sharing is caring and all that. *ahem* The other lady cats have no idea what we’re doing. In fact the one who hisses all the time ran away for a full minute when I dropped the squeaky mouse in front of her, and the fluffy calico thinks I’m trying to kill her.

This is my life now.